You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
