We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
