Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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