Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize