those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We are all done wearing pants today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
