Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
