mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
