Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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