babies were throwing up all over the place
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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