I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
