I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it's like heaven, but drunker
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
