i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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