Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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