my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Girls should come with a carfax report
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
