Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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