well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
