i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's rum buckets o'clock
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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