she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
