I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
