Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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