; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
