I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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