So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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