I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
