I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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