I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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