Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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