I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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