He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
