i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize