I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
