I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
