i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize