I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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