so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
