I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
