Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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