a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize