This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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