wakey wakey hands off snakey
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My life is pants optional.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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