just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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