he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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