im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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