I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
