oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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