He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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