Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
