So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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