I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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