adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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