im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize