she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
