Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
