$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
