Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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