Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
