I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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