The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize