I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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