am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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