chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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