i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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