margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
