He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
