yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
