if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
