I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
