you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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