I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
