Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
