Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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